100% truth
Women...
They say that in the highest pick of Tibet lives the more wise man of the world...
Certain time a boy went to look for him to discover the way to the heart of a certain woman.
Arriving to the top of the mountain, in the edge of a huge cliff, he found the wise man and asked him:
- Master of the Masters! Which is the more short and safe way to the heart of a woman?
The master answered him:
- There is not safe way to the heart of a woman, son. Only trails to the edge of cliffs and roads without maps or compasses, full of stones and flanked by poisonous serpents...
- But, then, Master... what should I do o conquer the heart of my loved woman?
Then he told him, the great guru:
- Oh, applied disciple. Keep in mind the teachings that now I will say...
Follow them with application and without mistakes and you will have what you are looking for:
and you will have what you are looking for:
Don't solve everything with ignorance;
Don't spit on the ground;
Brush your teeth;
Don't scratch your balls in front of her;
Don't burp loud. In fact, don't burp;
Wash your hands when leave the bathroom.
Give flowers and many... many presents.
In fact, give only expensive presents;
Don't chew with open mouth;
Cut and clean the fingernails. Don't eat the fingernails;
Don't fart under the blanket. In fact, don't fart.
Lift the cover of the vase before urinating.
And remember to lower it later;
Let her be jealous of you as much as she wants, she can;
Use deodorant (a very good one);
Don't pick the teeth in public;
Press the toilet flush before leaving the bathroom;
Don't curse;
Don't be too funny with the other ones;
Don't say bad things about her mother. In fact, love her mother;
Always laugh at her jokes;
Don't be jealous of her;
Don't wet the bathroom, nor the house and don't throw the towel away;
Don't get a big tummy. In fact, don't put on weight;
Don't take long bath
Don't sit to eat without t-shirt;
Don't arrive home late. Actually, just go out to work and return running;
Don't drink until late with friends.
In fact don't have friends and nor think about having girls as friends;
Don't be a stingy person, and use at least two credit cards;
Don't say that woman doesn't know how to drive (keep that truth for you);
Don't have stinky feet;
Don't look at other women.
In fact, other women don't exist;
Learn how to cook;
Say " I love you " at least 24 times a day;
Wash the dish;
Make the bed, always;
Call her, from everywhere;
Don't speak about your ex-girlfriend.
In fact, you never had one before her;
Don't comment your sexual experiences.
In fact, you were virgin, don't you remember?
Let her buy clothes and shoes whenever she wants.
In fact, help her to walk during hours seeking new clothes;
Let her talk during hours on the telephone;
Never invite her to have sex, only to make love.
Make that with moderation and doubled care;
Don't snore;
Don't like soccer;
Shave everyday to don't scratch her;
Always discuss the relationship, even if there is nothing to discuss;
Love her relatives, even the boring ones;
Never complain about anything;
Don't work much and make a lot of money, to give it ALL for her;
Spend the weekends at home, with your mother-in-law and brother-in-law.
And always laugh at his jokes;
Say at every moment that she is the most beautiful woman that you already saw;
Always eulogize when she change clothes, even if is the one of every day;
Repair when she cuts her hair, even if it is just the tips, and always say it's beautiful...
And the most important, my son...
Son....wait....come back here.....
DON'T JUMP!!!